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Monday, December 25, 2006

"Parang, anu pang saysay kho, para papuntahin nya doon kung ganun din pala.." -Maristel

Every year.. Every CHRISTMAS.. My life isn't much of the luxe everyone was actually thinking of.. I spend Christmas ALONE.. 24th of December, I'm with my family.. my mom, brother, cousins.. But when the clock turns to 6, all of them are gone.. They all go some places.. Iba iba kasi family namin eh.. *sighs*

I remember 2 years ago, I was at Cainta.. Having fun at my Tita's house.. I called up my Dad and greeted him, Merry Christmas! He asked me where I was.. blah-blah,blah... So ayun, he said, uwi daw ako punta daw ako sa house niya andun daw ang Tita ko and her daughter.. Sa taranta kho, I asked our driver to drive me @ my dad's place.. Takot ko lang sa tatay kho noh! I dropped by sa house muna namin to get my gift for him.. 2 guess polo.. Yun ang gusto niya eh.. And i don't are how much i'd be spending just to give him everything..

Tapos, when i get there at his place.. beso lang.. parang di pa totoo.. tapos di naman ako pinapansin.. Mas pinapansin pa yung isang anak niya and asawa niya.. Parang, anu pang saysay kho, para papuntahin nya doon kung ganun din pala.. *sighs* Tapos mga around 2am, hinatid na din ako ni Rj (my brother) sa house namin.. Unfortunately, wala pa palang mga tao.. So ako lang.. I had like 6 cans of SPARKS orange (beer) - i drank 2 cans while I was listening to Jim Brickman's CD collections.. Just found myself crying na lang sa couch holding a can of sparks & puffing a cigarette.. I was like thinking.. "DO I DESERVE ALL THESE?" Parang, I really don't.. No matter how many times I ask myself that question, I can't find a single reason para ganito lagi ang buhay.. I say, I'M SENSITIVE.. But I learned to become HEADSTRONG and more STRONGER coz of how my Dad treated us.. ME..

I just realized TONIGHT.. That every Christmas pala, I've been spending much time CRYING.. Listening to senti music.. Parang.. I dunno..

Like right now.. I'm alone na naman.. Maaga nga ang collection sa Hillsborough.. Pero pag uwi from there.. Prepare for later.. Then ngayon Christmas.. Eto na naman ako.. Maghihintay na naman ako na magtanghali.. Para kahit papaano ngiti ulit..

Wala lang.. I know Christmas, and everybody happy dapat.. Pero, ewan.. I am naman.. But something's missing..

Current Mood: Sad & Disappointed
Current Music: My Grown Up Christmas List - Kelly Clarkson..

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
and wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth
(there'd be)

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up christmas list

This is my grown up christmas list

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